It is kind of hard to select the association if you have created the association with the 'edit metaobject' popup. You should click somewhere near the label of the association then if you click exactly at the right location you can select the association.
This is a problem because when the modeler creates the association it uses the same start and end point so you wont see the association.
Usually when i create a 'self-reference' I drag the association manually to prevent your problem
Why is selecting the reference in the meta model a no-go? This should be possible. When you've selected the reference you should be possible to edit the name property in the properties window.
Ah... I removed the association and created it again by dragging the line in the metamodel. I put it completely to the right of the yellow metaobject box, so it's visible from behind the rounded corners... :o)